“Do you think my dick is big?”
Sound familiar? Yeah, you know it does. You’re probably laughing because you have asked whomever you were just banging the same damn thing. Why men ask such frivolous questions is beyond me. And I can promise she looked you square in the face, smiled broadly, and proceeded to lie. I mean come on!? Your “question” is not really a question at all. It is just a blatant request for us women to pander, stroke and coddle your ego. And while your partner may not have any desire to hurt your feelings, I have no such prohibitions. You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth. But you got it, darling.
First things first, it is a question that is rhetorical and stupid. And yes, stupid questions DO exist! In the real world, if you had asked a random Hobo, “What does it feel like to be poor?” you will more than likely be told you are fucking stupid, whilst getting slapped by his filthy, smelly, sickly dick.
1) Do you think my dick is big?
“Ahh…Bigger than…. what?”
Then anyone I have fucked? Anyone I saw on porn? In the general vicinity? What is considered big to you? Because Dole bananas are big, and sir, you are no banana. If you are lucky enough to be equivalent to or larger than a banana, you would already would know the answer and wouldn’t need to ask, and my mouth would be too full to answer. Yea, I know its nice to hear, “Oh my God, you have the biggest I have ever seen!”. But unless you are Ron Jeremy or can blow yourself, chances are your shortcomings just aren’t your best asset. I hear where you’re coming from and you have every right to feel insecure and seek solace. If it is any consolidation, you’ve likely got the North and South Koreans beat. According to Average Size Database, Koreans, “native” to Korea on average have the tiniest of penises. In comparison to America’s 5.4 inch average, which has only measuring in at 3.7 inches erected! So the next time you decide you need an ego boost, think of the poor Korean men. Or get yourself a nice, sweet, horny Korean chick to fill!
2) Does size matter?
“LOL, what do you fucking think?”
Why guys ask this question expecting some grandiose reply baffles me. What you think we are going to do, break out in song and dance in the middle of lunch with our two sexy best friends?
Your penis is so hard
Your penis is so large
My body is a movie
And your penis is the star
Sorry, I am definitely not Camera Diaz and I will not toot your horn. I did however, send a mass text to 10 of the lewdest ladies I know asking if size is a factor.
First response: “its the motion of the ocean”
Second response: “can he work it?”
Third response: “depends, how small are we talking? he eat good pussy?”
Fourth reply: “Well, I can only take 5 ½ inches, so unless he is only 4 then no. Oh he has to last longer than 2 mins and no less than 30.”
The other six were all along the lines of, “Yeah”, “no shit!”, “LOL duh”, “depends”.
The bottom line is that YES, size DOES MATTER. I was 24 before I experienced my first vag’gasm. I thought those only exist in fairy-tales, along with unicorns and true American freedom. You’re probably thinking, “You loved him and that deeper connection is what ultimately led to your orgasm.”
DUH! You got deep right! You can rationalize, research, hell even conduct a correlation based study using the relationship between love and orgasm by penile penetration. But in the end, you will find it simply won’t matter, because “love” had nothing to do with a man’s ability to penetrate deep enough to simulate the Anterior Fornix (A-Spot). In that case, a man’s incredibly massive cock resulting in a worthwhile overnight stay at the hospital.
Is worth every painstakingly post-coital minute.
In retrospect, if 5.2 inches is all you have to work with, don’t fret! Many many women have not yet been blessed with an orgasm so intense that it forces every women within a mile radius to cream their panties. Trust me, they can’t miss what they never had, and most NEVER have experienced it. Or cunnilingus is still highly encouraged, so happy muffin’!
3) How many people have you slept with?
So how does a specific number of past sexual rendezvous relate to current events? . If mankind is facing a new pandemic and in order to save mankind they needed the number of sexual pleasantries combined with how many were female, than male; multiplied by oral receptions, divided by one night stands, and subtract the number of participants in last Sunday’s group orgy. Would the answer equaling the total“I really don’t know or remember” suffice?
What does the number have anything to do with anyone else? I don’t bother to keep track of each of my sexual encounters. I stay clean, use protection and enjoy my deviance.
Why women lie to men about their “number” of sexual partners is obvious, as questions like this impose a prejudgment on women. The higher the number, the bigger the Slut. On that level, quite frankly, this question is offensive and unmask your inner insecurity. This prejudice against women and sexuality is horse shit! I am no way, shape or form a feminist. I find modern day feminist to be angry, angry women who instead of advocating gender equality, have in fact widen the gap. Their, “Females rule! Males are tools…..hear me ROAR” is a bit insulting.
The bottom line guys, is that sex is natural and it it is an innate part of our biology. Sex should not be objectified. We need sex, we crave sex, and without sex the world would collapse. So lose your preconceived notion that a high number is abnormal. Nothing is ever normal.
4) Am I good in bed?
This question, is the kind of shit that makes a girl instantly lose attraction to a guy. The only answer she can damn well know is a yes. Hey loser, your question tells me that one, it is obvious you love being lied to, and two, you are from Guy Group Type D: the overly boastful Douchebags who can only obtain or achieve euphoria by unwarranted, forced grandiose praising. (see illusions of grandiose)
As I am not fond of “douche-ego stroking”. I’ll tell you what she was really wanted to say but didn’t. Pay very close attention as I will not repeat myself. IF you are that amazing in bed, you’d damn well know it. Moans and screams are one sign. Her not ever being able to get your junk out of her mouth is another. If you are great in the sack, trust me, you’d get feedback of some sorts or hear about it. Asking the question or feeling the need to ask is a clear cut sign you suck! On that account, if you really wanted to know because you wanted to improve your skills in the sack, a better, less pretentious approach would be to ask, “Babe, what can I improve so that you’ll die from an overly intense orgasm?”
She will more than likely be receptive and willing to tell you the truth. Sex is not cock exclusive. We women do love to fuck just as much.
5) Am I the best you’ve ever had?
This question is easy enough to answer, you know, since I am 99 years ago and on the verge of death. “Yes, Mr. BIG you are the best I have ever had!”
Don’t be a degenerate douche. There are billions and billions of other penises populating the earth, you think you’d be the ONLY man in the world to please the puss? Fuck no!
In the end guys, cliches are cliches are cliches. They cannot be considered one had it not been overused and tossed around more times than a Vegas Fremont street hooker. But hey! Modern western culture is vainglorious. Narcissism is coddled and encouraged. So fuck it, if you cannot beat them, join them!