Banging the Wrong KOK
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Banging the Wrong KOK


Bangkok Summer of ’09:

I decided to do a short stint in Bangkok. I had plans in ’08 to visit with some douche I was dating at the time, but his presence wasn’t worth the torture of a free trip. I still wanted to go though, so when I freed up enough time I hopped on a plane and left. I really don’t talk about Thailand much, maybe cause it sucked for me or maybe because…well no, it sucked. Plain and simple. Too busy and too modern with a third world flare. I suppose the difference between Vietnam and Thailand to me are the people, the culture, and the way of life. Plus the familiarly of my own language, my motherland, and the foods I just absolutely adore just blows Thailand out of the water. Sorry my fellow Thais!

I didn’t know too much about the city, just from rumors and Thai drama. I chose to stay in Sukhumvit District. I wanted to stay close to my fellow expatriates. I lived as any human should. Work, home, work, home. There wasn’t much play. Not like there was in Vietnam. As stated, the culture was so different I was honestly timid. I only knew a few work colleagues, but I pretty much kept to myself. I suppose at work they pegged me for an antisocial, so they invited me for a night out. I obliged and met them at Soi 23, Sukhumvit Road and we decided on a ‘go-go’ bar called the infamous Soi Cowboy. Go-go bars are bars, major differences is there is really loud disco music and a stage with a bunch of synchronized Thai dancing girls, all with as little as they could possibly wear without being naked.

When my colleagues and I entered it was extremely loud. I swear the combination of booming from the speakers and the brightly flashing lights was all staged so stupid tourist like me could drop from a seizure and swipe! Easy money. Gosh, I am being so cynical of the Thais. I’ll stop. Anyways, so we walk in and head towards the bar. I order a round of drinks for my group since they were nice enough to invite me out.

Well, as you know, young Jayde or more matured Jayde is still fucking Jayde. One drink is never just one drink! So, ummmmm countless drinks later I am white girl wasted, “WOOO-HOOOO ing” the chicks on stage and I suppose getting some of their attention, because two kept winking at me the entire night.

I suppose another reason I rarely went out in Thailand is because, well, I am a fucking nut job when I drink. I turn into a psychopath. I know it, my friends know it, so why unleash a beast when I have no fucking clue where I am? Blah boring I know, suppose I was starting to mature or whatever, but I stop doing so much and started planning. Moving on, the hot bitches!! So, I was drunk, loud, obnoxious and wanting…..needing to get my pussy petted. The psychopath began to emerge and my colleagues, obviously regrettable of inviting me, started to disappear one after the other. Each excusing themselves to the “washroom”. Shit, I am a nut job….

I, on the other hand was too busy watching sexy ass Asian bitches shaking their asses, wearing barely nothing whilst chugging drinks at the bar. Next thing I knew the club was closing. I looked at the time, 1AM?!? WTF?! I thought Bangkok was like the party capital of the fucking world? “Lame” I thought. Well that was until one of the Thai chicks approached me and asked me where my friends were. I suppose at that moment I had a “blonde” moment. I looked around and shrugged, “I have no fucking clue! Why is the bar closing so fucking early?” I asked her. She responded, “It is new law, but me and friends are going disco… You go?” When she said party she did a little dance and sold me on her cuteness, then and there.

I don’t remember if I have mentioned this before but my BIGGEST fetish is corrupting innocent Asian girls. Like, destroying them. Turning them into the naughtiest, filthiest sluts you’ve ever fucked. Well, in her case what appeared innocent.

“My name is Jayde, Herrooo.” I put my hand out for her to shake. She looked at me strangely leaned over and hugged me, whispering, “I am Mimi” into my ear. Something, if done correctly, can create warm tingling sensations in my puss area. After she let go she told me she needed to change and if I could meet her outside. I agreed, peed, and headed for the door. Once outside I stood waiting for what seemed like hours. Fucking women, I mean I am a woman but holy hell! It doesn’t take me a fucking hour to change. Well, it has the past few weeks but that is because I had a pretty major surgery. So what’s their excuse really? Finally Mimi came out. She was wearing almost exactly what she was before, pieces of tiny shiny cloths covering her lady junk, only it wasn’t gold sparkling, it was purple. Admittedly, she did look fucking sexy in it so I suppose the wait was kinda worth it.

Mimi grabbed my hand and said, “You and me, have fun!” And fun we fucking had. She took me to a few hostess bars, then after hours with her group of hot ass friends. We drank, drank, drank, and got super fucking wasted. The night was a glitter glitch. A blur. One place to another, to another, to another, then to eat. Shit, Asians native to their country know how to party. It isn’t like Vegas at all. I mean if you think a bunch of pretentious, okay looking tourist women jammed packed in a club, looking for the next sucker to buy them a drink or notice them is fun. Then darling, you have no fucking clue what real fun truly is.

Most all Asians are so accommodating to tourist. They suck you in and treat you like one of their own. When they promise a party, they give you a parade. When they promise fun, they give you a blast in a fucking glass! (Jersey Shore reference I just had to use)

Okay, it was about 4AM and the sun was peeking over the horizon. I was clearly still fucked out my mind wasted and she was still hanging on to my every word. “Score!” I thought as I coyly ask her to help me get home safely, since you know, I am prone to getting lost even walking to the corner store. Mimi agreed and we took a tut-tut (small ass taxi cab) back to my place. Once we got to my place she insist on walking me up and making sure I “get in safely”. Who am I to disregard my own safety? Thus, I wholeheartedly agreed. We took a brief elevator ride up to my floor and exited towards my apartment. Once we got to my door there was a split second of awkwardness, until Mimi threw herself at me like a lioness devouring her prey. I mean really, she tried to jump on me and wrap her legs around me but since I was caught completely off guard we both just tumbled over onto the floor. I burst out in laughter and as she was noticeably embarrassed, she too was laughing.

We both got off the floor and I unlocked my door and invited her in. She smiled devilishly and walked past me, into my flat. Once inside I remembered how much ass shaking I had done, thought about how sweaty I had been, and told her I wanted to freshen up. I jumped into what I thought would be a quick shower. While quickly scrubbing myself I thought of how I was going to approach the whole scenario. Was I going to walk out in lingerie? Wait.. she has been dancing all night, Ugh she’ll be all nasty and salty too. Should I ask her to wash up before I am willing to get within a 5 mile radius of her junk? Is that too rude? Maybe I’ll be suggestive. My thoughts carried on and on until, plop, she jumped in the shower with me.

“Wo…uhhh” was my initial thought, then “Wow, problem solved! No salty, sweaty, pussy for breakfast this AM.” I didn’t want to seem so “horn-dogish” so I continued to wash myself under the hot, steamy shower. (side note) One thing about Asian women from Asia, when you’re not giving them the attention you once did, they get whiny and all girlish. Therefore, she sighed really loud and wrapped her arms around me. Seeking, craving, begging for my attention and I was gobbling it all up. The innocent she portrayed made my pussy wetter than a cougar at a frat party. She suckered me and I caved. I turned around and kissed her. Not open mouth, just a long, lingering wet smooch. I pulled away and flashed her my fierce “I want to eat your pussy til you beg me to stop, because you’ve already orgasmed 50 times and if you orgasm one more time you’ll die in ecstasy and of exhaustion” eyes, well at least that is what I envisioned what my eyes are saying but what would I know? I’m drunk ass fuck!

The bathroom was steamy from the hot water and the moment seemed perfect. After I eyed her, I dove in for an open mouth, tug of tongues, lip locking session. Soon enough I had her pressed against the tile walls with my hand cupping and squeezing her breast. I slowly descended from her neck, kissing her softly until I reached her breast. I took her nipple into my mouth ever so gently, then suckling harder and harder, eventually to nibbling, then to a bite. All the while my hand moving towards her sex. Kissing, nibbling, biting, reaching down to her thigh, grabbing her ass then finally her kitten.

How do I say this without admitting it to myself…. Fucking A I cannot! So, yeah I reached for a kitten and got a dachshund (wiener dog) instead. I was taken back by the entire thing. At first I thought, “Whoa now! My kinda girl that preps herself with a strap-on!” Then I came to realize that strap-ons usually do not have a set of balls attached to it.

Epiphany over and BAM! Reality. I have a Thai “lady boy” in my shower I have been groping for the past 20 minutes, I am drunk as fuck, I haven’t gotten laid in months, my pussy could possibly die from masturbating way too damn much, I am horny as fuck, I am a million miles from home, and I have condoms in my night stand so fuck it. What harm would this cause? It’s like a two for one package and like really, who would really ever find out about this?! I thought for a few more seconds, shrugged and fucked Mimi. Or should I have called em’ Miman?

Yeah, about all the details I want to get into. Don’t get me wrong, I am not at all disgusted by my choice to fuck a ladyboy. That was my drunkenly, psychopathic, horndog choice. I suppose why I am bashful to admitting to this is because, later on that afternoon… well more evening, when I woke up and Mimi was laying beside me with no makeup on. All the glitter, glam and goggles off. She was one very unattractive lady— boy.

I mean come on! I know the whole “beer goggle” term was created based on truths, but WOW. The bitch was so fucking throw’d, I could have sworn there was A LOT more than just booze brewing in my belly that night.

Advice for the ignorant. Do a nut check before bring a chick home in Thailand. My disaster is your detour to banging the wrong fucking KOK!


Jayde Onyx Lei

Blogger/Writer at Raw, Lewd & Indecent

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2 Responses

  1. Julian Lisette

    What a ride. Loved this recounting despite your unenviable situation at the surprise M. Night Shyamalan plot twist at the end. 😉

    • Jayde Onyx Lei

      Never thought of it like so, however with me your night will either consist of surprises or drama. I’d opt for the latter even if it’s a really ass ugly Thai lady boy in my bed… Which btw tiny dick. (Still trying to come up with excuses to how and why lol)

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