Article Written By: Dr X
To sum up the whole point of this article, don’t be a “Nice” Guy, be a “Cool” Guy.
“Nice guys finish last.” The phrase is ubiquitous, and although often attributed to Leo Durocher, the sentiment stems from some embittered soul even further back in time. Although used to refer to success in the workplace, sports competitions, and even social status, the most common contextual application in in reference to women.
Every romantic comedy I have ever seen has shown the nice guy getting the girl at the end. That fat guy in Hitch got the rich heiress by just being himself, right? Intuition would suggest that , since people actually like it when people are nice to them, then it follow that all of us, including women, would seek out nice guys. Fucking Disney movies. Reality is far removed from what Hollywood sells you. The cliche persists because it is often true. Do an internet search on “nice” guys and read what women write. The pickup community considers being a nice guy slightly above Tourette’s syndrome in desirability.
So, then why is it women don’t like nice guys? Ask, and you will get many of these answers:
“No one respects a doormat”
“Nice guys are boring/predictable”
“Women want a challenge”
“Nice guys are needy”
So women don’t like needy, pandering, weak guys. Big shock.
But when this these descriptors become synonymous with “nice”?
Strange. I define nice as overall pleasant, exhibiting courtesy and politeness, being considerate, and exhibiting good character. And, thanks to the binary thinking men can exhibit, if being nice is a negative, than being an asshole must be the way to score babes. Sure enough, just take a look at the advice of many of the so called “pick-up artists”. Be selfish. Be aloof. Be indifferent. These guys sell sheets with “routines” to memorize to put down women, called “negs”.
Well, being an asshole may make you feel better at the end of the night because you managed to insult and drive away any women before they could reject you first, but your still flogging to dolphin to choppy video on your cell phone at the end of the evening.
Don’t be an asshole. The world has enough assholes. I’m not saying there isn’t a time or place to stand up for yourself, and certainly you shouldn’t tolerate any discourteous behavior, but even these unfortunate situations can be almost handled with class and tact. We have all been in situations where a girl is totally rude, or more likely, one of her friends is being a complete bitch to you. You almost always be better off being non-reactive. Ignore, disengage if need be, and you come off as in control, and frankly, as cool and collected. Get sucked into “I can be a bigger asshole than you” contest, and you have already lost.
There is no role for being rude or discourteous when you are talking to a woman. I would agree that in certain, very specific situations, seeming unsure or questioning a choice, such as the color of a specific clothing item, or style of shoe for instance, is a viable tactic. But this needs to be done in a subtle way, not denigrating her choice, but just suggesting she may have made a better choice. And only to this to things that are a choice, not of any physical characteristics. The more ambiguous your approval or lack of approval the better. In a nighttime setting, where a good deal of guys are present, to a high value target, one who has been dealing with guys inanely complimenting everything from her eyes to her toes all evening, and when she has not demonstrated any interest in you, and you decide to make a cold approach, this tactic is of some value if handled carefully. Basically, you distinguish yourself from the crowd of sycophants and so stand out.
I am not sure when being a nice guy crossed from being a compliment to now seems to imply weakness, boringness, and a lack of self respect. Being courteous does not mean you are soft nor weak. Being of good character does not mean you lack self respect. Being polite does not mean you will allow yourself to be stepped on. True that it is a rather generic complement. And I suppose the more vernacular challenged mistakenly term pandering, kiss-ass behavior as nice instead a more appropriate term. Okay. So let’s go with be a cool guy, That implies you are socially able to hold your own, you aren’t an asshole, and you a sycophant either.
Okay. So what are the behaviors that you should avoid when meeting or dating? Or for that matter, most other times as well:
Being Too Agreeable:
What the hell does that mean? To some degree, it is in the subjective opinion of your reaction (or lack thereof) of the one judging you. If she feels she would be upset by whatever was done or said, and you are not or if your date is pushing her wants and desires significantly more than you, you are being too agreeable. If she doesn’t consider what you want to do a significant portion of the time, and you don’t call her on it, you are being too agreeable. Sometimes, you truly don’t care and she does, then say so.
Gauge her willingness to be agreeable to you and adjust your to match. If you too are spending the afternoon together and she insists on going shoe shopping, than go to the strip club. She spends all day cooking you your favorite meal, make her breakfast in bed the next day and take her to a spa.
Don’t be afraid to own your opinions. The only people without opinions are dead. Women like passion. You have an opinion, and you are asked, then give it. If asked, support your arguments. If challenged, you are free to debate and rethink your position. If derided, demand respect. Be who you are, not who you think she wants you to me. You don’t believe in dinosaurs? Well, probably best you date religious zealots instead of paleontologists, but own it. You don’t believe black holes exist? It shows you think for yourself (and are a fucking genius).
Giving a girl anything she wants in order to maintain her interest is pathetic. It demonstrates you don’t have any opinion of your own value. How do you expect a girl to value you when you don’t value yourself.
Woman find confidence attractive. Being clingy, behaving as unworthy, and being insecure won’t attract anything but predatory women who have no interest in you as a person.
Don’t Be Afraid to Announce Your Sexual Interest
No. This doesn’t mean you grab her ass as she walks by. And by no means act sexually needy! Sure. You are a guy. You want to put in your penis in one of her orifices. She knows that. But treat her like nothing more than a vagina with legs and you aren’t valuing her, and you come off ass a creep at best, and a loser at worst. That being said,once you have a rapport going, and the attraction is mutual, there is not a damn thing wrong with being honest that you are trying to get her into bed. Don’t be crass, and don’t keep repeating it. But more often than not, she will respect your honesty, even if she doesn’t admit it, and will likely be attracted to your confidence.
This tactic will keep you out of the friends zone, which is a complete waste of time. Being a woman “friend” hoping to get her into bed by being the shoulder to cry on is just being a pussy. Its actually rather manipulative. A girl says she has a boyfriend, but wants to hang out, tell her that she is welcome to hang out with you, but you have no intention of stopping trying to bed her. If she sticks around, then hey, she was warned and you are free to keep up with the seduction.
Tips on being “cool”, but not “nice”
Especially in the nightclub setting, girls you just met may ask for drinks, or help getting back stage, or for you to help get them drinks from your bartender friend. It’s one thing if you have been taking to this girl for a while. But you never met them and they think they can just ask you a favor. Seems rude to me. If the girl offers me a round if I get my bartender buddy to serve her, than I can respect that. The girl you ignored and didn’t buy a drink for may be bitchy, but the six other girls who watched the exchange respect you a lot more.
Unless it is totally ON, do not stay with the girl all night. Excuse yourself. Talk to other girls. Doing so keeps you from coming off as needy or desperate. One of the pickup phrases which has some truth is “Follow, and they will flee, but flee and they will follow.”
Don’t put too much importance on a single interaction. Yea, she may look like your dream girl, but she has an Inuit fetish. Move on. Don’t take indifference nor being shot down personally. You approach a girl respectfully and with class, and if she is a rude bitch, that just says more about her
Don’t be afraid to suggest or even announce what you are planning to do/or go. Leaving it up to her all the time frustrates her. Being confident and assertive but not domineering is attractive.
Being polite, courteous, and sensitive does not preclude also being confident, passionate, and masculine. Nor do these traits require you to be an asshole either,