March/April Q&A
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March/April Q&A

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Catiline B (Austin, TX) – My husband can only cum during sex, not a blow job, so when I’m on the time of the month, how do I pleasure him enough to where he cums? Techniques or ways to give a mind altering blow job?

Hrm… Just making sure, but you know this is Raw, Lewd & Indecent? Okay, good. You have four options: 1) Get another woman.2) Get another fucking woman. 3) You two are married how long now? Dude, by now he should not be repulsed by your rag. Fuck in the shower or put a damn towel down! If he does have an issue with your natural lady funk, then mix it in his breakfast or his jam over toast. Do it until he learns to love it! 4) If you really want to try and please him then snag yourself a gay BFF. They are pros at sucking cock. Shit I eat pussy like no ones business. WHY? Because I have one of my own and know what I like and where I lick, I mean like it. But just in case, try to keep your gay and guy separate; shit….you never know, could not be your menses cooties but the cock over the cootchie. Especially if he loves anal!
Just saying…

Courtney S. (Minneapolis, MN)I am not on birth control, but my boyfriend always wants to have sex in the shower or the jacuzzi in the backyard, and I know a condom can’t provide the best protection in those places of pleasure. Any other kind of places I can mention to him that would sound more exciting and at the same time, be safe for me?

Hi! Thanks for being an avid reader cause after this response I am sure I won’t be seeing you around! (breathe) Are you of legal consenting age? This person is not breaking any statutory rape laws is he? Are you in immediate danger?  If you are nodding yes to the first question then WTF?! Get some damn birth control woman! If you can fuck, you can afford. Yes, you are correct-o on the lesser of protection. YAY!!! However, can you put both hands up and count to ten with your fingers? Yeah? Then shit! You aren’t completely fucking brain dead to know that even a 60% chance of protection is better than NO protection. If you have some lame ass “I am allergic to condoms” excuse then you need to either stop your fucking or open a Plan B savings account. Trust me, the world is already polluted with Simpletons, you’d be doing us a favor. We’d even award you with something shiny….(winks)
[Your friendly advocate for Planned Parenthood]

Lester F. (Plano, TX) I’ve always had a fetish with women who can squirt. My girlfriend doesn’t have the ability to squirt. Is there a method you can learn to make her squirt? Or better yet, do you squirt?

Hey Molester… I mean (coughs) Lester! Thanks for staying legally lewd! So, after the AVN awards this year I attended a private after-party. Party was “ehhhhh” but a few male porn stars did crash it. One in particular was Marcus London. Brute little man but nifty with his phalanges! He had 6 women who has never ever squirted before lined up on two couches and within 49 seconds plowed each of the 6 pussies and they all squirted all over the floor and especially all over him. Disturbing performance now that I think about it, but still was fucking hot! I know you’re no Marcus London but if I were you, I’d google him and maybe you’ll learn a thing or two. To answer your second question, if you consider me pissing in your car and shitting in your coffee squirting, you got it bud! Yes, yes I squirt!

Lindsay M (Winnipeg, MB in Canada) Bit of a strange question but I was thinking of how I can pleasure my husband more and I think I want to get my clitoris pierced, would that heighten his pleasure and intensify my orgasms?

Bonjoir my northern neighboors! I bet its abooout freezin’ up there now ey? Sorry, pretentious I know but I’ve been itching to say it since I read the email. Plus I am American and that is my excuse! Anyways, not strange to want to pierce this puss, although for your husband’s pleasure I am not so sure. Unless he gets off on visual simulation, what—Uh…. I mean how the f –rankly, it won’t do shit for him. Period. If you are looking to intensify your orgasm, this ISN’T the way to go. Please see “Take Two…. No Action!” if you hadn’t already.

If you want some shitty advice or to know something about me, please feel free to email your questions to Don’t forget to subscribe, join and like my Facebook. Enjoy!


Jayde Onyx Lei

Blogger/Writer at Raw, Lewd & Indecent

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